The art of getting lost!!!

I guess it was one of those days, where my unorganized lazy schedule pulled me until 3.30 am at work !!! somehow did not feel like going back home... wanted to complete whatever i was doing... well what was i doing... trying to trace neurons, thoroughly enjoying the process!!! but if you are wondering why i can't do it early during the day... I am better off when i can sit through and complete the analysis,,, for i am still a beginner,,, hoping to be a veteran in some days!!!

So knowing me for 24 years now, i called a cab even before i sat for the analysis to pick me up at 3.30am..(you should ask my sister also who always keeps complainng about this strange starting problems that i have, coz i take quite sometime to start somework and once i am into it i would want to complete it,,, whatever it is,,, and i get completely lost in the process) ...somehow my mind was completely in a kind of lost in a crowd (of people /neurons!!!)just rushed down when my alarm rang aloud i realised it was 3.30... now this time the cab driver was an old man who had a contagious smile absolutely,,, wow it was so refreshing and i must agree that from being lost i kind off came to my senses,,,,he asked me if i can speak deutsch.. atleast i guess so.,. i said "nicht deutch only english"... his face just turned into complete disappointment as if a kid did not get what he expected from his parents,,,then came a second thought as i was getting my senses back looking at this man,.. "ma parlo italiano!!!"(but i can speak italian!!)... i was wondering how sensitizing ourselves to the world around one can become better, how does this sensitizing manipulated in different people,,? are these just modified by experience... just few days later happened to attend a lecture on cichlids by walter Salzburger(if you are wondering what are these... these are fishes which are found in east Africa,,,these are amazing model organism to study parallel evolution and behaviour.. ll have to write a separate blog dedicated to these fishes,,,

but to quote a few aspects which are very striking are that there are so many varieties of these cichlids which vary so much in their morphology, in colours and behavior ,the most amazing fact is that these fishes shared certain features even when the evolution of these fishes were endogenous to each lake... )that some behaviours are actually genetically coded,,, Basically these cichlids according to their variety have different courtship behaviour and when scientists tried to cross fishes with diferent courtship behaviour , their offsprings showed a courtship behaviour in midway between that of the parents...!!! so behaviour is genetically coded!!! atleast to an extent!!!

so back to the cab driver... he immediately replied " bennissimo...parliamo italiano..!!! " (great... lets talk in italian then!!!)then i said in a hurry not to raise his expectations the same usual dialogue of mine "io capito tutto ma non parla bene"(I understand everything but cannot speak well)... with a typical gesture with hands to depict not a problem at all... he said "non e problemma" (not a problem)... his face showing an expression as long as we can speak it is fine... true... however different we are , there is i guess an immense pleasure and joy in conversation,,,, well i am not a person of words... u must have known by now reading this page... i am a paradox for i enjoy loneliness as much as i do enjoy being with living beings!!! now this strangely reminds me of the conversations with JB Mam... oops its been so long since i spoke to her... well she is my english prof... who really is an inspiring inspiration , and ofcourse one of the biggest reason for what i am now!!!!and whatever i will be !! thankyou mam for all your classes and the wonderful discussion and conversations we had , and will have in the future,,,!!!you might wonder what has an English prof got to do with a biology student... well she taught me to look at things more globally rather than confining my thoughts to a small range!!! in short to think big... to top all of it her words to my parents..."a whale belongs to the ocean if you try to grow it in a fish tank its not good for both the fish tank and the whale!!!"wow... this reassured me of my strength... atleast made me believe that i had all the making of "whale!!! all set to explore the ocean, the ocean of science" .... thats too much exaggeration but definitely helped me to overcome a lot of hindrances on my exploration journey so far,,, i know it will definitely help me in the future also,,, Apart from reassuring about myself , these words definitely changed my parent's perspective about me,,,uuuufffffffffff... but what am i doing here,,,??? every now and then all these thoughts about whether i am doing the right thing for what i fought for,,, creeps in,,, but definitely this helps me to grow better... and i know one day i will do something useful for the world!!!

oops so where was I... the cab driver... then he asked why i was working so late... i said i am doing research(only i know what i am doing in the name of research!! :P)he was so amused,,, and then he asked me what i was doing my research in and if i was using animals, i said i work in neurobiology in mice... he shouted "poorino" "poor thing!!!"yeah....i know... every time i decapitate a mice, i feel so responsible for its life,,, and i make sure that i use the samples properly...

suddenly all the scenes of perfusing young pups and doing slice cultures from pups flashed.... well i was so scared honestly when i decapitated the first mice, for even after decapition, the muscles twitch and somehow as i am quite famous for all the imaginative conversations... thought that the mice was just trying to tell me"what the hell are you doing with me and my life!!!"i do not have a pothuvudamai answer fo rthis though... i will always blink like a student who got spotted at the exam hall for misbehaviour!!! well thats how life is.,, got to compromise... so i just say a sorry to the mice each time,,, and talk to them before i would do anything to stop their life... well what s life... do life exists even after the body is dead and just one part is made to survive,,, in my case, the pieces of brain tissue!!! i donno... well i do not want to get into philosophy., i don't understand it much...

haan so... back to the mouse,,, so i told yup, i work with mice and they are ofcourse paavam.!!! but there is a purpose and its my work... then he wanted to know more about different animals used in research and i was fascinated how the cab driver could get to to talk to so many different types of people a day...

i even thought may be atleast one day in my lifetime i want to be a cab driver... this reminds me of a mail that karthik sent me a few days ago about a story of cab driver who was concerned and did his job just not like a machine would do but rather with love and care for his passengers... true.. when you love your work., there is immense joy that you bring to yourself and also to others involved in it!!!

may be this is what bharathi thought as GOD "ezhuthu kol deivam indha ezhuthum deivam"

hmmm.,well so now we arrived at my place... and he said... "quindici " , well i wished i stayed somewhere far than where i was now , definitely cannot afford more money everytime, but the conversation with him was so lightening (in both sense...)and he said "arrivedeci, e buon giorno!!!!"... (good bye and have a good day...) oh yeah the time was 3.40 am,,, and the day has already begun!!!well i said good bye to him and wished him the same... he smiled at me and as if he had done some mistake he said,,"buona notte",,,(good night) .. i just smiled back and he said take rest... just reminded me of being at home...i guess once you go out of home ,, then you tend to adopt and adapt according to the circumstances and some incidents like these keep you going... well that reminds how one associates oneself with his/her identity...

i had actually called a few people home for dinner Subu, Kajari and Shounak... it was a last minute decision to make dinner for friends... so i called them at 8.30pm and around 11.00 pm we started eating... it was in the kitchen itself that we were eating, for dosas are good when eaten just from the tawa,,, well., this scene is not an unusual one at tamil houses,,, and it did do something to me here so many thousands of kilometers away,,, to mimic this scene,,, thanks to my friends who showed up for dinner.. well before i think of anything else,,, i need to leave now... and i force myself to press pause button for putting my thought to words...ci vediamo subitto, ( see u soon....)